Fade to Black
by Boscosbabe55
Summary: Bosco deals with the death of someone close


Life it seems, will fade away.  
  
Drifting further every day.  
  
Getting lost within myself.  
  
Nothing matters no one else.  
  
Faith an' I rode side by side for almost nine years. For nine years we spent eight hours together. She'd tell me 'bout Fred an' the kids. I'd tell 'bout my latest squeeze, or whatever was goin' on in my life at that time. She was my best friend, I loved her so much. I'd die for her, without even thinkin' twice. She was my world. The way her shampoo smelled an' the way she'd ware her hair, in that bun. Tucked tightly under her cap. The way she walked, the way her lips moved whenever she talked. I noticed it all. I noticed everythin' Faith did. She was unlike any woman I ever met.  
  
I have lost the will to live.  
  
Simply nothing more to give.  
  
There is nothing more for me.  
  
Need the end to set me free.  
  
Then I met her. Sgt. Martiza Cruz. At first we were jus' workin' together. Nothin' else. I'd come in do my thing an' collect a paycheck. ACU was somethin' that jus' was there. Sure I liked doin' it, but it wasn't the same as ridin' with Faith everyday. I didn't seem to have the same flow there as I did with Faith. But ACU, it had action, an' I loved the action don' get me wrong. Sure bein' a beat cop an' all. I saw action, but not like I saw at ACU. I'm an adrenalin junkie an' ACU was where the adrenaline was at. I ended up sleepin' with Cruz, still don' know weather it was a matter of lust, or love...It had to have been lust. I never felt for her like I did for Faith. Cruz never made me feel the same way Faith did. She was jus' lust.  
  
Things not what used to be.  
  
Missing one inside of me.  
  
Deathly lost, this can't be real.  
  
Cannot stand this hell I feel.  
  
I needed her help. I needed Faith to help me. When I asked her, we weren't on the best of terms, but Faith was my best friend an' I had no-one else. She was the one I could always go to. No matter what I knew I could go to her. So I did. I went to Faith an' asked for her help. I was so fuckin' selfish too. If only I would have listened to her in the first place, none of this would have ever happened. if I would have jus' listened to her she'd be alive. She's not, Faith is dead an' it's all my fault. Faith is dead 'cause I was a selfish asshole. She's right....I am useless. I'm of no use to anyone. All I did was get my best friend; the woman I love-- killed.  
  
Emptiness is filling me.  
  
To the point of agony.  
  
Growing darkness taking dawn.  
  
I was me, but now he's gone.  
  
Now I'm sitting here, my gun in my hand. A shot of whiskey on the table. I quickly down it. That's the 5th one tonight. My eyes they go over to a bottle of pills, I unscrew the cap and pour a bunch in to my hand. I don' know how many, I didn't stop to count. I deserve to die, I shouldn't have lived this long as it was. Whatever one has said 'bout me all my life. Hobart should'a killed me before I messed up the lives of everyone who loved me. Like Faith...she may have not loved me like I loved her, but I ruined her life. She's dead 'cause of me. My Ma she says she drinks...'cause of me, 'cause she's gotta worry 'bout me. I've done nothin' but fuck up my whole life. I down the pills followed by another shot of whiskey . If they don' kill me I know the gun shot will. A few tears run down my cheek. I think of my Ma, I hope she'll be okay without me. I know she told me not to die before her, but this I can't help, this hasta be done. it should have been done a long time ago like I said. I tell her, even though she can't hear me that everythin' will be alright. That she's strong. the strongest woman I ever met, an' she'll be jus' fine with out me. I tell her I'll miss an' how much I love her. I tell her everythin' will work out in the end. I put the gun in my mouth as I think 'bout Faith. I remember our first day at the academy she called me an ass. She was right, I am an ass. I think 'bout all those shifts we rode together an' all the times we had a close one. How we'd jus' give each other a soft nod an' a smile. Our way of sayin' gald you're alright, could'a have been worse but it wasn't. Glad I still have you. Then I think 'bout that night in Nobles apartment an' how it all went down. I think 'bout that night, that was the night she died. That was the night I lost my best friend, my partner of nine years, the woman I love. That was the night poor Emily an' Charlie lost their mother. Fred lost his wife. That was the night I lost my world. I'd say see you in heaven faith, because that's where God Angels go, but not me. I'm a no good, worthless, useless asshole with a one way ticket to hell. As I pull the trigger an' I hear the shot ring through my ears. I wonder who will be at my funeral. No-one Boscorelli, you killed Faith an' no-one will be there. Everything fades to black.  
  
No one but me can save myself but it's too late.  
  
Now I can't think, think why I should even try.  
  
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.  
  
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye. 


End file.
